I am going to be a dad, and when i think of becoming a dad it is a mystery to me because it is something u choose but it is another thing entirely i believe to become a father. Becoming a father is a choice to selflessly devote myself to my daughter which is to love unconditionally and sacrifice unendingly for the good of my daughter. Which is much more than symantecs and word play but it is real life choices of waking up early in the morning because she is crying to be changed or fed being so tired from work during the day but choosing to hold her until she stops crying slowly lulling her to sleep. I am realizing my life has become about more than just me and rachel but it is about to become a sacrifice for my daughter because of my love for her to give her the best childhood and life i possibly can. I am super excited and at the same time nervous but i know God will give me the grace to deal with every situation i have to deal with.

breath

Breath you take my breath
away I go in to the air
fill me up with helium
pop me from the sky

Deflated and hopeless
to space I flew over the moon
but now all I see is my string choking me

Under a cloud is where I lay
my head always turning from the gusty winds
Blows me here there and everywhere
My master is no one

I have no choice where I go
My home is the sky
the earth and stars far below
no matter the distance will I still float?

...

cool weather breaks in the valley
streams of water freeze from the sight
the ground gets harder and frigid
bitter from winters fight

They say winter is good
realizations inside your home
warm from the fireplace deep
inside your soul

I say I want out of this cage
worn out from running around in a maze
when will You make it to the end
to show me how to run.
Escape to the beautiful majestic sun.

Future yearnings

man o man
I wanna be a man
take care of my kids
watch them sleep
close there Lil eyelids

father o father
teach me how to be a father
realization of what it means to love
send me your grace from above

Tree o Tree
Lend me your branches and let me see
Above the horizon, beyond my dreams
Teach me O Father who you want me to be

Perfect Gift

Life is gift no matter how much we hate it sometimes, we must thank God for every day that we breath every second we spend with loved ones even, the tough times good times and the stretching times. Kierkegaard says it well "In repentance you receive everything from God, even the thanks you give him, in the same way that parents enjoy the fun of receiving a present from their child when they are really only receiving what they themselves have given...You were always willing to thank God, but this was somehow inadequate. Then you understood that God is the one who does everything in you and then allows you the childlike pleasure of thinking that your thanks are a gift you give him." (Spiritual Writings 19)

This made me really think today about my life and how I live it because everything we are given is a gift. When I went to get my oil changed I acted differently, I loved more. When you let everything go and belong completely to God there is new freedom to treat others with a different respect and love than any other time you will ever have in your life. As long as keep searching for our own shallow satisfaction we will be empty and alone but the only way to live is to give up the pursuit of happiness and realize everything we recieve is a gift from God

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. -James 1:17

verde

Green Eyes, stare into mine
Beauty to be blinded by
Please never let them close
Let there glow forever show

There luminance is uncanny
They cannot be touched, conquered or maneuvered
tricked, foiled or destroyed
Like a star they forever can be seen

There innocent like a child
unadulterated from the worlds rot
Open to love and hold in its grasp
The eyes of the advocate of my affection

Green Eyes walk me down your roads
lead me through your mountains
Through your grass and lovely fields
Down by the river of your home

Never leave, never stray
always watching,keep looking this way

rainy days

Day day, come and go
rain rain come and go
wash away this dreary snow
from my hands I wash away
all these worries and daily strains

rain rain, leave my eyes
cold, wet and soaking
my face is soggy from the drops
I wipe my face but it never stops
I try to run but where do I go

Escape Escape, this life of lies
rain rain, your always there
I close my fists to fight it fast
punching quick, I hit the air

Never Never, Do I quit
I finally submit to this coma
Take me under and wash me away
replace me with someone who embraces the day